In Pursuit of Health: One Daiquiri at a Time.

Today is a short post since I am really under the weather. I have a sore throat and have been sleeping more than what is normal for anyone. I should probably down some vitamin C, but thankfully it is not too serious and has not really stopped me from my usual pace of lifestyle.

Case in point, yesterday I re-affirmed my habit of coming home at dawn. I stayed out all night partying and drinking with a close friend. Maybe it’s my astrological sign, or maybe it’s just me, but dawn is truly my favorite time of the day – right before anyone wakes up, 30 minutes before the sunrise and 40 minutes after. At that time I always feel serene, happy and overly hyper (even when I am dead tired). Even the colors illuminating everything are surreal.

So back to today: I am lounging around all day, watching ‘Borgia’. Really good show if you are into history and conspiracy. I did come about a song earlier that raised a few flags for me because it is too perfect. I showed it to a friend who joked about how the song is an ideal example of what a man who would have the balls to fall in love with me should exemplify, has to do with the chorus of the song. Apparently my heart is violent, conniving, puts up a front and has a lot of "demons for the past"....true...but on the brighter side, it’s a very catchy song! ^_^ I might make a drawing out of it later, if I get enough patience to finish the sketches for it. Anyway, I attached the link, so enjoy! :D  (the video, IMO could have been produced better)

(eventually I will figure out how to make the text go around this SOB)

The Pursuit of Harmony: A Crowned Kiss

From Bryant Park - On My Phone

A simple kiss can go a long way. I find myself convinced that either one of the two is true: he is either amazing at leading women on or he has fallen for me and began slowly letting his guard down. I’m leaning towards the more favorable one, hopefully not because of my naiveté feelings - I do not get a vibe of a player form him. He is undoubtedly very experienced, but also has an “I give a damn” vibe. He always seems to care about a lot of people and their well being, so it would make little sense for him to equally be in the art of toying around for fun.

Last night I met Mr. Bond, and though my feelings prior were fleeting due to aloofness and uncertainty on both our behalves, somehow, they were reaffirmed. I found myself in a situation of self-realization. The weird thing is, his behavior is a mirror of my own.  He and I both have issues at letting our guard down, and yesterday there was a break through on both of our behalves. After an evening out we ended up falling asleep and that is when the realizations started hitting.

To back up a bit: He and I spent some of the night reading his yet unfinished movie script. At that moment is when he dropped some of his guard down. I had a feeling that something extra personal was written into the script. After asking him about it, he admitted to some of it, though now I realize how much more is subscripted into it.  It’s almost like he wants someone to catch onto it, but at the same time doesn’t want to admit to its facts. When did we as adults become so convoluted and complicated?

But the events that led up to that epiphany kiss continued. He and I fell asleep and for the first time, even though my back was turned to him, he made it a priority to hold my hand and intertwine in a way that sent a message. I already familiarized myself with how he communicates and measures people up. He is the kind of person that says more with his motions and actions than his words, and at that moment the way he moved almost screamed at me “it ok to let your guard down too.”  

This was when I realized that I have trained myself to be so well poised that I never let my guard down. Even in my last relationship, for as long as it had lasted, I have let my guard down once which was a mistake on its own (but one I have learned so much from.) My mind is always analyzing the other person’s behavior and my reactions are so collected and controlled that even when I sleep I am afraid to attach myself to the other. Granted, this is the first real romantic interest I’ve had since my past 6 year relationship, but I have been on enough dates to see a pattern in my behavior (not that I have slept with any of my other dates ;} )

While lying in bed with him I began to force myself to relax. Then I knew he was aware of my inner battle. He grabbed hold of me and when I faced him, took my hand in his, and planted a soft kiss on the crown of my head as we laid there falling asleep. That was the best kiss of the night. That kiss not only brought my guard down, but also brought his guard down. Soon after he realized what he had done he started pulling away emotionally and trying to build up his guard again, but it was already too late. Moments like these are little points of no return. It is really funny watching us do this dance of courtship, considering the people that we are. The outside world perceives each one of us individually as a power player, but together, in private we are so chicken to act because of how scared each one of us is to getting hurt again.


Considering I have been already twice in serious relationships (one lasted 2 years, the other one 6), there is something very different about this person. I am no stranger to love and its effects, but somehow, there is something very different about this one. Our courtship has become almost spiritual.

The Pursuit of Wealth: Pockets Full of Holes.

My horoscope was right. June 27^th is definitely a turning point for me. Actually it most likely can be pinned starting from yester-night. Aside from work being a more positive experience for me (more on that later), things appear to be heading and snapping back into their normal pace of progression.  Mr. Bond is more direct, though still retains some of his mind games. Plus a few of my friends came back from East Hamptons. I was supposed to go there (and boy, would a month at the Villa do me some good) but I have responsibilities to take of – those that hopefully have taken root finally.  This whole month I have been working at attempting to redefine my approach to work. I see things slowly picking up, but not at the pace that I would like them to.

Granted, the first 6 months of real estate are known as a trial period where it is generally the hardest (and my lack of current income can attest to that) but I do want to be above the average, and for me this is month 3. Clients that I had wanted to close a deal with by June 15 are being reluctant for no other reason than sheer stupidity. I understand that they are coming out-of-state and have no general perception of the New York housing market, but their optimism is blatantly misled. The husband’s stubbornness is not helping. I found them an amazing place for 40% below market value. In addition to it not having to need renovation (of any kind), and it having reasonable maintenance (which the husband insists is too high *pffft*), in combination to amazing amenities, excellent and very lax building rules, this building is truly a gem. If I had funds for it, I would have already bought it. The place even has a working fire place - for New York City!! Well, they insist on getting it for even less because according to the husband, similar places in their town would go for less. Sure they reside in greater tri-state area, but this is New York they are talking about – they are not going to find a better deal, I can safely bet money on this.

So yeah, they reluctance and stubbornness to move forward is causing my pockets to have burnt holes. On the brighter side, I just found a new client to represent. Sure I do mainly exclusive sales, but being as how those are currently slow, I don’t mind being a buyer’s agent for now.  At the end of the day, I truly do enjoy Real Estate. I am so glad I left law.

Hopefully this week I can make more connections as things pick up. I have the Friday outing at Balthazar’s to look forward to, plus a picnic and a photo shoot I need to re-re-re-re-schedule (being as how it kept on being pushed back)  since my photographer is coming back. Plus Mr. Bond (as said before) has re-submerged. I’ll see where the ‘me-seeing-him-tonight’ will take me. Yesterday he did say something which I disliked, but I quickly shot down the topic in my ever creative manner. Humorous, but he got the point. Now my curiosity leads me. Tonight I will be observing his every move to see the underlying intentions – kind of hard to do since he is an actor and is practically trained at this, but so am I. 

In Pursuit of Love: The Game Mr. Bond Plays

I find myself again at odds with my inner Eve and outer Lilith. Thankfully this cycle is coming to an end and surly I will not be experiencing this anymore, quiet soon.  My inner girl-like attraction for this particular man is waning off as my more logical and calculating self is beginning to resurface. Though this someone is holding my interest, his male equivalent of my “femme fatale” characteristic while is what I find intriguing, is at the same time at odds with me. Ideally, there would be a progression in some sort of a relationship between the two of us, social games aside. However, I find myself losing much of my patience due to these games of pursuit. Strangely, they are what intrigued me to begin with. His refinement in the art of love’s pursuit fascinates me and created an almost naïve hopeful, but I know better than to believe these feelings. They truly are a nuisance sometimes (and very refreshing, albeit.)

I think I am beginning a new phase now where I am on a lookout for a truly interesting specimen for my pursuit. Shame, this one doesn’t seem to have been taking roots due to both of our aloofness. Oh well, it’s definitely not the end of the world.   

Unfortunately not many men spike my interest. Most are too predictable, easy to read and lack any of the basic characteristic skills I seek. They often pursue me, and it is flattering, but I do not pay much mind to them as it would be a waste of everyone’s time.   My friend even began an inner circle joke about how graceful I have become at rejecting dates and advances without making the boys feel bad about themselves. Even after rejection they often seek my company. Sure, they try to catch my interest later, but it’s futile. Eventually the same pattern emerges. They chase me to no avail and then find someone of their caliber to take up their time. Once that has taken hold of them, they brag to me about it until their relationship fails and they resume their cycle. Those that do find happiness in their relationship often become a long term friend for me.

Speaking of boys, I have come to find out that my ex has once again started contacting my close friends over social media in attempt to re-establish a communication link to me. Funny, seeing as how an amicable break up was his idea right before he began bad mouthing me, creating drama behind my back, deleting me from all his friend lists, then acting bat-shit suicidal while trying to catch my attention.  I do not know how lucky or unlucky this is for me, but I have too much experience in this. Why do all of my exes go from normal, functioning individuals to suicidal crazies once a break up occurs? It doesn’t even matter what their character profile was before we started dating. It all leads down the same road, for them anyway. They beg for me to come back (even if they initiated the break up) and then threaten me with their suicide. While I do care much for human wellbeing, I have lost my interest and my ability to give a damn.  The best I can do at this point is forward them to a good psychiatrists and wish them the best.

My hunt for an interesting date continues.