In Pursuit of Skinny: Make Hollywood Proud!

My half-assed attempts to lose weight are beginning to get on my own nerves. I’ve been bouncing between 130 and 137 for the past 2 weeks. I did notice that the less socially active I am, the more I weigh, and my social slowdown in the past 2 weeks isn’t helping. Granted, I made this decision myself, for financial reasons, but something needs to be done to balance this trend.  Besides, at one point I think I got bored of the NYC social scene. Plus there are only so many times I can witness models and aspiring actresses snort coke all night long. It gets depressing when you realize the women most people idealize, in real life have no self confidence, self restraint or dignity.  

Well the good thing is, since yesterday I did a lot of walking (took my mom out on a date to the Metropolitan Museum), even for NYC lifestyle, that did get me ready to start today anew. First order of business I need to cut out all the useless foods I eat. I've done this before where I switch all my foods for a lesser caloric equivalent, but since I do not have the time or money to go to a health store I need to figure out another way to do this. Hopefully in a week I will get back down to consuming 500 calories per day. That seems to work. Damn I’m such a weirdo when it comes to losing weight. Even at my heaviest, a sensible diet and exercise never worked for me. Last time when I dropped 20 pounds (which I never regained *knock on wood*), eating 500 calories per day is the only thing that worked for me, while my routine of biking 20 miles and consuming 1500 calories per day, every day, didn't.  Also I am thinking I-lipo “therapy” (if you can call it that) for my calves once I hit 120. That is the only part of me that never loses any inches. I am not fat now, but I do want to be perfect – the kind I have envisioned in my head. It’s like a twisted game I play where I declare war on my body. To the tanks!

A random picture of a sexy man - enjoy!

So here is my plan:

• No sugar of any kind unless it has almost no calories – this means not eating most fruits (with exception of lemons, limes and watermelons, and some berries), and substituting sugar for stevia.

• No white starches and carbs – eliminate all breads, all rice, all pastas (not that I eat them), potatoes, carrots and any “root” vegetables from my diet.

• Only 100 calories of dairy total per day allowed, including cheeses, yogurts and any by products. Also, no egg yolks or anything that includes them is allowed.

• Green tea pills are back in style.

• All meals must include at least 2 cups of bouillon  or vegetable soup.

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

In Pursuit of Self: A Million and a Dime

“You’re not just another pretty face” said he jokingly. A quaint laughter of embarrassment and shock at such a comment followed from his wingman – the Architect. Most women in my position by now would be having an internal epileptic shock. They would be overwhelmed at the mind games and the power plays laid out before me. Frankly, I don’t know how I remain so confident and well reserved in these situations either, yet I live in them organically.

I took a walk from the bustle of my office

Here I am, having dinner at the priciest and trendiest of NYC restaurants, at a private table, with a famous Director and a world class architect responsible for quiet a few buildings in my city; And that neither fazes me nor surprises me. Life throws these little bits at me, little treats of experience that most people run for, yet I find myself just calmly walking along.

It’s absolutely funny how men and women chase these people, their status and their riches. They become gold diggers, backstabbers, and embezzlers. They try to pursue status, amount popular friends and show their face in the trendiest of places, yet at the end of the day, they get the experience of none. At best, they might eventually move into the upper middle class echelons of society and retire with a dog and a white picket fence lamenting themselves of what could have been. To their irony, I, instead, chase myself in hopes of self discovery and fulfillment, and here I get to meet these fascinating people everyone is so hopeful to hound down.

Last night’s experience was definitely enjoyable. It makes me miss those days in Moscow where I would be chauffeured around town without much care and enjoy spending my time submerged in culture with family in a calm, almost surreal environment. It really is a different culture behind closed doors. Outside world paints these people as extravagant, boisterous and flashy when the reality could not be further. They are highly private, very gentle, calm and exhibit a certain type of etiquette that the common world has long forgotten. It is refreshing. These people worry more about developing themselves and living a life that is fulfilling, than amounting riches. Funny, what they amount comes from what they love. That, or they hide it very well.

This experience was truly inspiring; makes me want to achieve so much more for myself, and push harder in my field. Something that the architect has said last night was blatantly true and interesting – formal education does not provide, but character, drive and the desire to grow does. Both these people stepped away from the traditional path and made themselves even when the world told them to ‘fuck off’ – thus I must push harder and do so myself, for myself, as well. Inspiration comes in many forms, sometimes in art and music, this time in company. 

In Pursuit of Sex: Crazy Little Thing Called Love

No, that's not me ;)

“Crazy little thing called love” – Definitely it’s crazy, not sure, however, if it’s little. My week has been a roller coaster of emotion and elation.

First, Mr. Bond is becoming more possessive of me (in a very sexy way). Friday night was a friend’s birthday party and we ended up going to this midtown, penthouse rooftop lounge and pool. It was crowded, too expensive, and over hyped. I think it was called Gansevoort. It’s one of those places that want to be upper class, but they really are not, there is neither quality nor class in that place. And the prices are nowhere near being justified ($18 for low quality cocktails that are worse than ones you find in dive bars). Back to the story, with our party of 15 – 20 people, with our table and bottle service we still had fun.  When the guests arrived I realized a small problem. Out of the guys that were there a few of them had attempted, unsuccessfully, to score a date with me prior. Normally I wouldn’t care but I had come with a date that I did not want to have to explain to why some of the men had turned hostile on him. Thankfully Mr. Bond is very skilled in social arts and resumed talking to socializing with other people in our crowd without me having to initiate it. As the night progressed a few brazen strangers have walked up to me directly as I am standing with my date to compliment me. I must admit there were some very bizarre pickup lines and compliment I have heard that night, but what stunned me most is how competitive men become around me. Here I am standing and socializing with my date, with kisses being exchanged, drinks shared and eye contact that would make most melt, and yet there are men attempting to cut in and go for the kill irrespective of that. Very brazen, very rude, flattering but still undesirable and as my friend puts it – “you and your pretty girl problems”. What I loved is that instead of backing down, Mr. Bond had some very interesting comebacks for them. I love confidence, but as the night progressed, his definitely took a few blows.

One of the people that showed up was an acquaintance that happens to be an attorney and went to a law school I was going to go to. So he and I were talking for a bit about things career related. I asked him how his practice was going and he about my real estate ventures; Nothing particularly exciting. Soon after, my friend runs up to me telling me: “your date just asked me if there is anything he should be worried about” in reference to me talking to this guy. And then I realized, any one I socialized with, Mr. Bond made sure to be within 5 feet away of me, eyeing me. Even when I was dancing with a female friend, he stood there looking at me from a far, examining all my body movements. Granted I became a tease and flirted with him from across the room by suggestively dancing with that friend, knowing he’s looking at me.  I know he couldn’t stop thinking about a potential threesome but I told him it’s not happening, though I might consider it for future ventures.  Sometimes, I love the social games we play. The chemistry is so tense, other people start feeling hot.  When this hunt between us starts, even his best friends are afraid to approach, lest they get on his competitive side. If most people chase, we hunt. We are two predators after one another and we tear apart and destroy anyone that gets in the middle.

A night and the day following of our crazy raging hot sex and a lazy day in bed I realize that even though he is afraid of admitting it and is fighting it, he has fallen. He is more open to me about his insecurities and readily tries to share his intimate works –be it allowing me to read the script he is working on, or see an episode he was featured in, or look at his photography. Not only does he willingly share all this, but he makes it a point. When he couldn’t find something he wanted to show me, he went crazy looking for it.

In public he is this confident, well held example of a man that only exists in novels and movies. When we are alone he becomes more like a boy, innocent, scared, vulnerable. When he realizes this, he tries to (unsuccessfully) hide it. With my experience, men, once fallen for a woman, always behave that way. Once in love, they become boys behind closed doors. It’s actually very beautiful in its own way.  Probably doesn’t help him since my hair and scent is now all over his room more so than before, and I am pretty sure his black shirt will not be dry cleaned for a while after I turned it into my permanent lounge wear at his place.

He and I are not exclusive, and knowing this he is still becoming more possessive and jealous. I was supposed to go on a date today (still might) with a movie producer before he flies back to LA, and Mr. Bond found out. Granted him and I both know the date is innocent, nevertheless it did not stop him from sneaking in a hickey onto my neck. Sneaky, since he planted it in blind spot where I cannot see it, but everyone else can. After a friend pointed it out, I asked him about it, he tried to laugh it off. Cute, sexy and hot ;)  It should be illegal for some people to be this sexy and smart, but I LOVE it.

In other news, I think one of my close friends is falling for me again. That ship has sailed and sank years ago. I don’t want to hurt him or lead him on, but he and I both know it is not happening. Worst yet, is that he is a close friend of mine. He is even type casting his women.  Years ago when we went out, he admitted he was reluctant at first because I have a little thing called brachydactyly on my left hand (aka, the Megan Fox thumb). Imperfections like that creep him out. Since then, however, he seems to have been dating only women who have that. He even admitted to me that he now likes visible imperfections in women because, according to him, perfection is unnatural and scary. Granted that is not why I think he is falling for me, there are however, too many other reasons I will not get into now that do allude to that fact strongly.

Yup, ladies and gentlemen I present to you, yet another poor soul I have traumatized for life. That makes it 3 people that I am aware of that typecast their dates to resemble me, even after years have passed….funny since only one of them is my ex. I think my friends are right; I need a visible warning label on me so men can read it before attempting to get involved. I’m a health hazard. 

Oh and here's a cool song I heard on True Blood. Enjoy :)